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We were involved for close to twenty years, and the church, like a lot of non denoms, made changes over the years. Many of the changes involved women. Submit more, make fewer decision...basically women in that church lost their voice. Then more changes, and more subtle ones...women should stay home with the kids. Husbands should make all decisions.Homeschool. And why bother sending daughters to college? They will just be at home with kids anyway. Oh, and watch out for your wives, guys, they can be such conduits for the debbil, you know.

We didn't want to homeschool. We were encouraging our bright, outgoing daughters to go to college. We thought it was stupid for DH to make decisions about day to day stuff that I had always done with out help. Didn't feel I should be watched for debbil influences.So we began looking for the door.

We had some very good friends in that church who struggled with issues in their marriage for years. She was aggressive and naturally dominant, he was charming and easy going, quite submissive, and they had been happy in their marriage until he was forced into the HOH mold. It just didn't suit them at all, they fought constantly. But, in that belief system, there was no other correct course.

Later we got involved with more liberal religion--and found we shocked some of those folk with our HOH--but-it-works-for-us-- relationship.

Biology is part of who you are as an individual. It does matter. I was pregnant with twins years ago, and even in these modern times, I was vulnerable. I could barely walk, let alone grocery shop or even get off the couch! Then the twins arrived and I was nursing around the clock for months. I did feel like biology had thwapped me, plenty of times during those years. I did feel the need for a big strong man. And for a laundry service.

Instead of being patriarchal or feminist, why not be for individuals? How can that individual live a fulfilling life, have a great relationship?
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